Forever, Neither Here Nor There

There are days, or at least an hour or so of a day,

When my heart seems so very hollow.

Even a slight breeze coming off the lake

Hits me with unexpected force

As thoughts and memories and strange realities

Visit unexpectedly, catch me off guard,

Blow me off course as much as white swans—

Feathers roughed and wild are cast adrift.

They are not what they appear, simply calm

But working hard under surface of the water.

I stand in awe and am blessed by wildness.

So much is happening that I cannot see or even sense,

Out there, within me, blown sideways, blown open.

It does not take a bolt of lightening.

Even the hint of a breeze can put me out to sea.

Touched

Today of all days, in this very hour,

Spirit reached for me, held me,

Though I was not on knees in prayer,

Not walking high on mountain summit,

Still Spirit found me, touched me.

I cannot say I understand.

Why here? Why now?

I only know I was discovered, found—

Cherished, loved, drenched

As waves wash over the shore.

What follows is yet to be known,

But now I feel deep peace within,

High up, surrounds, both cold yet warm.

Where am I to go? What am I to do?

Are you following me?

Striving Toward Uncertain Destiny

With each poem I write

I know that one day I will die more easily,

Having put in words what is found within my heart.

These days, few can say what it means

To be fully human— to give definition

When we cannot know what consciousness means,

Where mind and body intersect with memory and soul.

So I cannot give you more clear answer

Than to say I am a seeker,

In search of myself as much

As I study books, gaze in wonder at the stars,

Contemplate the mystery of the number three.

Perhaps I am not more or less ignorant than others,

Though slowly as I advance through years

I’ve begun to listen to whispers of my blood.

My life has not been sweet or easy;

No claim of innocence or huge confession of guilt.

Like most of those who have worked hard to stop

Deceiving themselves, I seek clarity

That is learned within humility.

I spend lonely hours found in silent nights

Tasting both of confusion and delight.

Each day I pray. Each day I laugh and cry

At the pain and absurdity of the times in which we live.

With luck, I occasionally take a few steps on the road

Leading toward deeper sense of self.

Some days, the best I find is an awkward road

Or worse, a place within dark woods

Where trees converge, revealing only trace of a trail.

There are times I sort out

Distant memories almost hidden,

Sorting through broken eggshells of my past,

Wade through primordial slime where

Frogs and salamanders are at home.

Other days I soar with eagles through shimmering air.

All enter and exit through the same doors of birth and death.

The noble question is where within our depths

We find our uncertain destiny, begin to understand ourselves,

Find others who walk a common path, sharing common goals

So that we discover greater compassion and love.

We live each day only once, and then never again.

Only here, within the hours of each day

Can we find what is most significant and sacred.