Forgive Me For What I Want

 For Laura and Emily

I know this may not be fair to ask.
After all, it’s been too many years
Since we’ve spent as much as a day,
Yet still I want to touch your heart tonight,
Want your smile, your close breath,
Your eyes upon my own….
Hear your voice, sit in silence of your smile.
Here, not years in future or
In heaven times to come, but now,
This very night, so sweet,
Immediate, complete your hand in mine.

My heart could fly as a flying bird,
Rest upon branches and watch the world,
Too grave, I think, your life far off
Beyond horizon of the morning sun,
So tired from effort from the dawn of time.
I wake in silence and cannot hear your voice.
Only within my dreams do we ever touch,
Walking down through path of years,
Stone walls and fertile fields and
Length of sunny lawns—God sees it all….
Rainy nights and vain tears,
Memories of when you were young,
Small notches marked upon the wall.

Still I sit under daily skies, gray clouds,
Pray that before I die I see behind your eyes,
See what lies behind the angry wounds to
Green opening among the gathering flowers…
A universe within your soul, your dreams,
The early world of childhood still alive,
Breathing deep within your heart—
I want to see it all, touch it as once
I touched and brushed your hair.
There, I’ve said it all… unwise this dark wish,
Heavy upon my heart that hopes too much.
Often, I hurt or scare what I love most—
Forgive me, dear, that I want a day or two
Before my days are lost, grave opening
To say I may not be here when you come,
Too late in day, I cannot say, but only pray
Our lives will touch and rest in peace.

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2 thoughts on “Forgive Me For What I Want

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