I keep forgetting what I remembered only yesterday,
As inconvenient past just seems to disappear,
Though never fully erased somewhere in the matrix.
I guess I’ve rearranged history from the elements,
Memories to suit my new-found self, a present
Chosen from the larger past,
Unchained and rearranged the scraps,
Given less emphasis to complexity
Never fully understood.
Damn, I can’t remember what I’ve forgotten,
Lost within my memory years ago,
(Or was it only days ago that I forgot?
How do you know the day you can’t remember?)
Including things I suppose I ought to know.
I assume my future will be based
Upon forgetting words and acts,
Now that some of the old photographs are lost,
Burned or misfiled up in the attic,
Some eaten by those goddamn mice I hear at night.
Then again there are those lonely, winter times
Where I am Scrooged and haunted by my memories,
Clear and painful, a futile fear that chains me to my past,
Lost friends, forgotten absences whose faces come again,
Old traces that remain a part of me until death
Releases me, finally cleanses all at last…
For now, I have to forgive myself and live another day,
Keeping what stands out, the golden nuggets
Mashed up with past mistakes and bruises,
Not pretend I’m perfect and not forget to pray
That when I’m gone, others will forgive me, too.