I stand there feeling truly afraid
That she will turn away, close the door,
Forever walk away and not turn back.
She wavers, pauses at the threshold,
Without blinking, hardly breathing,
Blue eyes, shaded, stare blindly into empty space,
Body tense, rigid,
Thoughts curving crookedly,
Obliquely through her mind.
Impossible to discern her intentions,
Her motives, for good or ill….
The price she pays to hesitate
At the edge of the invisible wall,
Walking close to the border of night,
Forked darkness hiding a dreadful hole.
She appears to vacillate,
Struggle with the implications
Whose dimensions cannot be known—
Possible permanent fissure of the heart,
Anger resting against an unforgiving heart.
Risking spiritual suicide, this bitter burden,
This brokenness beyond repair.
Like someone banished, shunned,
Standing unwelcome in my own home,
My heart filled with hope, praying,
Wishing that love will triumph,
Wanting to be patient, give her time
To consider, trust, open,
Listen to her deeper voice.
Standing in the middle of the river,
Cold water seeping close to my bones,
Never felt more vulnerable,
Never more afraid of what might come,
Shivering, waiting, lingering in the room.